


The Never Ending Struggles of Eric Richard Bittle and His GOD BLESSED HICCUPS

by Madiedoodle



Series: Domestic Zimbits [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Bitty has Earth Shattering hiccups, Chaos Ensues, Jack is a Dork, M/M, he also cures hiccups by flipping people upside down because hes weird
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 20:05:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7120534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madiedoodle/pseuds/Madiedoodle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bitty has terrifyingly loud and ugly hiccups. He tries his best to hide it, but everyone finds out eventually. </p>
<p>This is totally a light hearted, sort of crackish fic, just for fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Never Ending Struggles of Eric Richard Bittle and His GOD BLESSED HICCUPS

The first time Suzanne Bittle heard her dear son’s hiccups, she very nearly dropped him and ran for the local preacher, like any God fearing woman in her right mind would. The sound of the devil himself clawing his way out of God’s own Earth emitting from her sweet little boys body would be enough to scare the pants off of anybody. And yet there he was, tiny as can be, his entire body seizing in an effort to emit the loudest, most obnoxious and terrifying hiccup known to man-kind. She scrambled for a second, trying to collect herself and recover from the shock, and dove for a pacifier, anything to make the God Blessed noise stop. 

And that’s how the life of Eric Richard Bittle continued, forever haunted by the Earth Shattering Monster Hiccups™, and forever enduring the reactions of the poor souls who heard it for the first time, and by the time he made it to college he was JUST. SO. DONE. 

****

Classes, Week 2 of his time at Samwell. There he sat, amidst the unsuspecting students and faculty of his English 101 class. Sitting, minding his own business. “HEEAAUUURRRRGGHHHHHUPPPPGHHH”. The entire class, and possibly everyone within the campus of Samwell, jumped in startled fear, haunted by the sounds of a flock of parrots fighting a bear, or whatever the HELL that noise was. Eric just wanted to melt into the floor, turning immediately red as he watched his class look around for whatever was about to snatch them up and eat them. His quietly spoken “Sorry, y’all” immediately caused everyone to turn towards him, eyes widening in fear and awe as they observed the absolutely tiny little angel that had apparently emitted the most terrible possible noise in the history of terrible noises. And then it happened again. “HEEEAARGHHUPPGGHHHHH”, the sounds of the gates of hell scraping open and allowing all the lost and tortured souls to escape. The ensuing silence was deafening, only to be broken by the inevitable laughter that always followed. 

Eric just put his face on his desk, muffling the sound of his hiccups and masking the shade of purple he was turning in Pure Embarrassment™. But there was no escape, as the professor returned order to the class and the introduction to writing that was supposed to be going on. It was a long twenty minutes of trying his best to muffle hiccups and pay attention at the same time, which was a losing battle in and of itself as he awaited the sweet release of death. 

****

Shitty B. Knight had heard, seen, and smelled a lot of things in his life. Sometimes he felt like nothing on this Earth could possible surprise him anymore, but sometimes things just pop up and prove him wrong. 

There he was, bare ass naked and sitting in a chair at the kitchen table, since Bitty wouldn’t let him sit on the counter anymore, relaxed and enjoying his day. It was a good life that Shitty lived, as he drank his beer and listened to the sounds of Bitty puttering around the kitchen. The rest of the house was silent and empty, something that Shitty could not abide by, and thus his presence in the kitchen with his favorite of the newbies.

He was just about to doze off when he was startled out of his sleep by a garbage disposal doing the do with an elderly frog. He dropped his beer and jumped to his feet, looking around for the culprit of the hellish sounds that had ruined his prospective nap, only to see Bitty standing there, red as the strawberries he was just about to put on that cheesecake, hand firmly clamped over his mouth. Shitty blinked, shaking his head, as Bitty almost inhaled his own hand in an effort to combat the ripping screech that was coming out of his body. It was a terrifying sight to behold. 

“Sorry HEEARURUUUGHUPPGHHH about that.” Bitty said, interrupting himself with the hellish mating call of demons, and Shitty realized exactly what was happening. 

“Holy fuck that is how you hiccup?” he said quietly, afraid that if he spoke too loud it would happen again, endangering the structure of the Haus, which could not handle such Earth shattering vibrations. Bitty just nodded, holding his breath in an effort to expel whatever demon was causing him to make that noise from his body. 

“Holy shit on a stick bruh that must hurt, I’ll get you some water or something.” He said, turning to rifle through the cabinets, coming up with a measuring bowl and filling it with water, hurriedly handing it to Bitty, who continued to hold his breath. Shitty shook his head, heart finally slowing down from the terror of an alien about to abduct him and suck his brains out.

“Thanks Shitty.” Bitty said, and Shitty just shook his head some more, patting Bitty on the shoulder and heading back to his chair at the table. 

“No problem bro”, he replied, and filed that information away for later so he wouldn’t dive for cover next time he hears such a noise, because apparently its just Bitty’s Hiccups of Terror™.

****

There was no warning, no sign, no message from heaven telling them the world was going to end. One minute Bitty was doing a quite impressive kegstand, the next minute the Earth itself was opening up and taking the great state of Massachussetts with it. The walls themselves vibrated in protest, and the Epickegster was dead silent, all party noise stopping as Bitty continued to vibrate with bone shaking noises. Ransom and Holster, Lardo, Chowder, Nursey and Dex, and all of the other party goers paused whatever they were doing to watch in fascination as Bitty continued in an awe inspiring bout of alcohol induced hiccups the likes of which no one had ever seen before. The painful, soul rending sound of hiccup doom washed over them, and Bitty was too drunk to care or muffle the terrible sound. Shitty was the only one who wasn’t particularly surprised by the noise, just walking over to the cooler and retrieving a water bottle, handing it to Bitty who swayed gratefully, seating himself on top of the keg and taking a careful sip of the water bottle. 

The room erupted into sound as everyone shouted, using the adrenaline caused by the hiccup fear to fuel their inquisition as to why in the hell Bitty, sweet little Bitty, had the hiccups of Satan himself. 

“Bro what the hell” from Ransom. “Are you okay” from Nursey and Dex, who side eyed eachother in annoyance about their synchronization.

“Oh my gosh Bitty why are your hiccups like that” from Chowder, whos look of fear and concern would have been heart warming if it wasn’t for the fact that Bitty was so embarrassed. 

“Bruh that was awesome” from Lardo, who was often impressed by loud displays, such as impressive belches.

“Excuse me, its just these GOD BLESSED HICCUPS. They’re always like that and I’m just gonna go crawl under my bed and die now, g’night y’all.” Bitty said, escaping up the stairs, clutching his water bottle tightly to his chest and taking the stairs two at a time in an effort to get into hiding more quickly. Those in the Haus looked around at eachother, eyebrows raised, various levels of amusement on their face as they pondered how such a thing could be. The paradox of such a loud and evil noise coming out of such a small and sweet person. 

“If he hiccups during a game, do you think the other team will forfeit in fear?” Ransom asked, leaving the image in all of their minds. It very well could happen, though, they themselves would consider forfeiting out of fear in the face of such a spectacle.

****

 

By pure force of will Bitty never hiccupped around Jack. For years, he nearly choked himself to death in an effort to stop the awful event of Jack hearing that noise from his mouth. 

So of course, the universe chose the WORST. POSSIBLE. TIME. to unleash the horror that was Bitty’s hiccups upon Jack. It was awe inspiringly well timed. There Bitty was, lazily making out with Jack in their living room, when “HREEAAAURRGHHHAAUPPPPPGHHHHH”. Jack froze, hand pausing in its effort to free Bitty of his pants, other arm bracing himself up on the couch, staring at Bitty in confusion. Again the “HREEARRUGHHHUPPPPHJJJHJGHHHHH” rent through the air, and Jack watched as Bitty curled in on himself, trying to smother himself in the pillow. Again and again, the fit of hiccups continued.

“Eric, do you need some water?” was all Jack said, and Bitty shook his head, turning entirely onto his face in an effort to escape. 

“Just let me end my suffering and smother myself.” Bitty replied, and Jack rolled his eyes, tilting Bitty off the couch until he was upside down, causing Bitty to squeak and hiccup at the same time, startled at being upside down. 

“What on God’s green Earth are you doing? Why am I HEAURAUGHHHH upside down?” Bitty said, and Jack just chuckled hooking his feet on the back of the couch and hanging beside Bitty. 

“This is how I cure hiccups.” Was all he said in reply, arms casually resting behind his head as if he were laying on a hammock rather than hanging upside down from the couch. 

“Of all the HEARAUUGHAUUUPPP silly things.” Bitty replied, smiling and shaking his head, color returning to normal as he realized Jack wasn’t going to laugh at him or spontaneously break up with him because of his hiccups. 

Another minute of hiccup induced agony before hanging upside down cured him, and he was back on the couch, snuggled into Jack’s side, mentally chirping himself for having such a silly thought as Jack breaking up with him for something like hiccups. Even if they were ugly hiccups. 

At least he didn’t snore, so that probably made them about even.


End file.
